I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
