im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
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