FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
