Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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