Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
