I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
