i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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