I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
My ATM looks so different sober.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
