Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
