I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
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