I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
