She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
