Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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