does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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