i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
