I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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