I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize