and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
