You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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