I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
