Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Randomize
