make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
