We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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