Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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