I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize