Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
