Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
