Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
did i just pee glitter
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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