I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
