that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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