Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
