At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize