I just made out with a guy for $7.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
