I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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