i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
