it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
