whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
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