Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
In America we eat man semen.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
