I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
