it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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