you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
