Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
