9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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