TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
