they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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