I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
