She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
