Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
