I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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