and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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