I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
