I hate your face
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
