This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
