i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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