So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
